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blueDrifter
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Name: Maggie
Country: United States
State: Georgia
Metro: Atlanta
Birthday: 1/13/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: Hiking, swimming, float trips, reading, cooking/baking, dollhouses, emotions, history, art, people.
Expertise: I think being a student is my only true expertise at this point.
Occupation: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  PinkRoseMrk
Member Since:
8/20/2005
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| I
feel like a different person compared to the last few posts. And not because I
had any huge life-changing events. Well, I suppose I have, but nothing that
seems like it should make me not recognize my past self. Weird.
Chuck and I bought a house! That's right, in like two weeks I will be a
homeowner. Renting apartments has been cool, but boy am I ready to have my own
backyard and garage.
Taking on years of debt will certainly make you feel more like an adult (...but
if that's what you're looking for, maybe you should find a different way.)
Okay, I'm going to try to explain something that’s been brooding in my mind for
a while, but it will probably come out confusing and if you haven't had the
same experience as me, I can almost guarantee that it won't really make sense.
The way I make sense of the world is through other people. I think we all do
this. We grow up learning about our environment from our parents and listening
to what others think and we begin to make sense of the chaotic world we were
born into. There are some people you know don't quite have it figured out and
you feel safe disregarding a lot of what they say about "worldviews",
simply because it doesn't hold true to real life. And you find those people,
they may be your parents, mentors, friends, anyone really, who really makes
sense to you. Who gives you a perspective that allows some stubborn puzzle
pieces to fall into place on the puzzle of your life.
When you grow up being emotionally abused you find yourself
holding a lot of puzzle pieces that you don't really know what to do with. Wise
people come along and give you more puzzle pieces, and you use them to fit your
stubborn ones onto your puzzle. Life begins to make sense to you and you feel
like you can move on making new puzzle pieces that will fit into the old ones
that you were finally able to place.
And
then years go by and those same people that helped you make sense of the world
become the people that you find yourself having to disregard because what they
say or think doesn’t hold true to life. And you wonder to yourself whether you
were wrong in trusting them (and you should therefore throw out the puzzle
pieces they gave you) and start all over, or if you should just take what they
said as it is and try to ignore the cognitive dissonance of believing something
that was said by a possibly errant source.
Life
is way more complicated than some people realize. | | |
| my absence from posting is just a sign that life is too good to have anything to complain about. :)
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| you know its bad when i can't sleep and i resort to writing on here. that's because i've exhausted about twenty other options of things that make me tired/waste time.
i haven't written on here since february. life has been busy, what can i say.
sometimes i am an utterly boring person who has nothing interesting to say. well, i might have interesting things to say, but nothing that really needs to be said to the general internet audience....
so....how bout them cardinals?
hmm, i know.
so i picked a bible verse to memorize...it's sorta random:
"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men and women who were made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be."
somewhere in james or something
i've been reading "contemporary fiction" recently. mostly, its stupid. there's a reason why classics are classics, so i think i'm going to go back to those....i have a new policy when i pick out books to read. if the author's picture is printed on teh back cover (you know what i'm talking about) then its out. that probably breaks that rule about not judging a book by its cover, but i never claimed to hold to that policy.
well, guess i'm going to try to sleep again. wish me luck.
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| "The other women were simply silly and hysterical with their talk of patriotism and the Cause, and the men were almost as bad with their talk of vital issues and States' Rights. She, Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton, alone had good hard-headed Irish sense. She wasn't going to make a fool out of herself about the Cause, but neither was she going to make a fool out of herself by admitting her true feelings. She was hard headed enough to be practical about the situation, and no one would ever know how she felt. How surprised the bazaar would be if they knew what she really was thinking! How shocked if she suddenly climbed on the bandstand and declared that she thought the war ought to stop, so everybody could go home and tend to their cotton and there could be parties and beaux again and plenty of pale green dresses."
and this is cool too....
"The same look was on the faces of all the women as the song ended, tears of pride on cheeks, pink or wrinkled, smiles on lips, a deep hot glow in eyes, as they turned to their men, sweetheart to lover, mother to son, wife to husband. They were all beautiful with the binding beauty that transfigures even the plainest women when she is utterly protected and utterly loved and is giving back that love a thousandfold."
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| I don't have anything particular to say, just felt like writing on here. I don't have to work today so I have some time to waste. That's the beauty of adulthood, no homework. I'd still rather be a college kid though (in some ways at least). What is normal life like? I haven't had a normal day in what seems like forever. Life was crazy stressful once Chuck and I got engaged. Besides the normal wedding planning and life merging stress, I had my mom and family to deal with. That was huge. Then I moved, dealt with being unemployed and all that it entails. Now I have a job, but a problem with my health that no one seems to be able to explain. All this while the people around me are having huge problems to deal with too. Ack! Is life always this burdensome? All of this, and I'll probably laugh at myself later when things get even harder. I should probably appreciate what I have right now. I usually fancy myself as someone who handles stress pretty well. I don't bottle it up and usually deal with the problem when it's presented. But all the best stress management right now won't change how difficult it is.
It's cloudy today. I love Georgia weather like that. It rains a lot and we have cloudy days often. There's something soothing about a cloudy sky. Makes the outside world a little less harsh.
I love our apartment. We have a total of seven windows and they all overlook the woods. It's really pretty. I can't wait till the leaves grow back so that it hides the high school on the other side of the woods. :)
This is actually a very typical sunrise view from our windows. There are some (but few) benefits of waking up early!
I guess that's all for now. :)
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